Do you have a school-aged child? Do they celebrate their birthdays or enjoy playdates on the weekend? Birthday Parties: Invite every kid in your child's age group/class*, if posssible, including children with special needs. If you are unsure you should ask the child's parents what accommodations, if any, might have to be made. Likely, the parent will be so moved by the invitation (as they can sometimes be rare) they will be speechless for a moment. Don't pat yourself on the back, you haven't done a great thing, you've done a human thing. INCLUDE ALL CHLDREN. Doesn't that seem painfully simple. Why am I even typing this? The parent, depending on the level of disability or the type of condition their child has, will likely attend the party as well and you will have another parent there to help. It's a win/win. It is YOUR JOB to make sure your children understand the diversity in their classroom and to ensure that there is no fear, but instead understanding, of a child with a condition or a diagnosis. Here is a lesson in empathy for you: Imagine picking up your child from daycare/school everyday and never pulling that elusive birthday party inviation from their cubby/backpack. I know this is about the kids and not so much the parents, but that parent is crushed for their child. I have had multiple conversations with parents whose children are about to leave elementary school and have yet to receive their first birthday party invitation from a classmate. To me that is nothing less than criminal. If you are filling out the invitation with any measure of pity or obligation in your heart, skip it, we can wait until you truly want your child to experience all different kinds of friends. *If the group it too large you can invite all boys or all girls. Playdates: I know this one can seem more daunting if you are the parent of neurotypical children and you are unsure of what to expect from a child with special needs. Here's a tip: ASK! After you have taken the time to ask you may find that you know more about the child's particular condition or diagnosis than you might think. You will be able to explain it to your child and with some very simple modifications you can usually set up a very successful playdate. I know from experience that children with autism struggle to socialize and their parents are often encouraged by professionals to include them in as many social groups/situations as possible to help build on their skills. This is easier said than done, when classmates and their parents are too fearful to ask questions or include a child that might seem a little different than their own. Again, the parent will likely stay and you'll see how quickly children can adapt. Remember, this is not your pay it forward moment for the week. This is a choice to see a child as a child and not a diagnosis to be feared and avoided.
15 Comments
Heather
6/15/2013 02:23:42 am
I know how touched Chris & I were when David received his 1st birthday party invite....trust me, they are few & far between...:(
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Shanell
6/15/2013 10:47:32 pm
I know Heather. It breaks my heart. David is hands down the best part of my school day. The kids adore him too. I think this another case of the adults screwing it up for the kids.
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irene
6/15/2013 08:55:47 am
Great observation Shannel. I never want to see Alex hurt like this. My other 5 grandkids do get invited to parties etc. Should be no different for him.
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Shanell
6/15/2013 10:54:52 pm
Irene, we will keep working to educate people so that kids like David (above) and Alex and Kate will be included. I will watch over him at school. He is an awesome kid and easy to want to spend time with :)
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Kaytee
8/9/2013 12:29:01 pm
I'm quite certain this will not be a popular sentiment, but there is sometimes (not always, probably not even most of the time) a correlation between a kid with special needs' behavior and the lack of birthday party and play date invitations.
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Sonya
8/10/2013 12:43:51 am
Shanell,
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Kaytee
8/10/2013 05:32:47 am
Sonja- For a moment, let's pretend your daughter is 15 and dating a boy I her class who hit her, then apologized profusely and promised never ever to do it again. A month or so later, he hits her again. He's remorseful, he's working with a therapist, he really, truly is working to better control his impulses, he's doing everything he can, he has the support of his parents and therapists (hired by his parents). Would you encourage your daughter to date this boy? To forgive him for hitting her and carry on with the relationship?
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Jessi
8/10/2013 10:01:17 am
Oh, Kaytee. You really don't get it, do you?
Leo
7/3/2016 10:36:46 pm
Hey Katee, this post is three years old but as a special educator I am %1000 behind your decision to defend your daughter and NOT invite your child's bully to an event meant to celebrate and honor her. And all those parents who are saying hurtful things in response to you being honest are setting awful examples for their kids. As a special educator, I know first hand how important it is to teach kids (ALL kids) that certain behaviors warrant certain responses. So parents, if your child is excluded from a party, seek first to understand. Try respectfully asking why and then, if it is indeed a result of your child's behavior, work on it. Another child should not have to suffer simply because your child is learning.
Shanell
8/10/2013 09:28:22 am
Sonya, thank you so much for sharing that awesome story. You really put it all in perspective and I love every single word you wrote. It made me cry and I wish people like 'Kaytee' had even one iota of a clue about what our lives are like. Until then, we have to patiently ignore comments like hers. There are so many people who would line up to put her in her place and many of them are reading this right now! :)
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Lori smith
8/10/2013 10:10:27 am
Kaytee,
Erin
8/10/2013 10:08:07 am
Dear Kaytee,
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Wendy
8/10/2013 10:48:42 am
Kaytee, Kaytee, Kaytee. It must be wonderful to live in such a lovely bubble of self-righteousness. Your daughter is learning so many lessons.
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Pamela
4/6/2014 08:45:23 pm
Kaytee, You're awful. I feel sorry for your child.
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