The Sea Ninja (AKA Boaty)

We bought a boat. Not the way someone with a positive net worth buys a boat, but the way we buy a boat. First, we find a boat born somewhere in the eighties. This will ensure a price below the limit on most of your credit cards and some pretty sick interior design. (I'm using that 'sick' like the kids do, by the way. Eighties fashions rule) Then we fight to get our account out of overdraft so when the banker looks she suspects we aren't completely broke. Next, we use our tax refund to subsidize the purchase and get a small loan to add to multiple larger loans and presto: "The Sea Ninja" is born, or reborn or reincarnated, or whatever. Now that that part is over, here are some of the emotions I am going through. (Get ready for some serious first world shit).

I am too fat to comfortably board and de-board a boat. (Is that what it's even called?) I will, of course, board 'boaty' every single weekend this summer but it will be awkward and uncomfortable and another reminder that paying Weight Watchers is only the first step in actually starting the program.

I can't swim. Maybe when the other kids were learning to swim I was busily reading and re-reading the entire collections of "The Babysitter's Club" and "Sweet Valley High" but in my humble opinion the life skills I learned from those books have served me far better than the ability to swim.  Until now...

I am terrified of water. I know for a 'fact' that there are things in the river that I don't want brushing against my legs. I would most definitely appear like to be an excellent meal to some sea creature or another. Yes, I let my kids go in. They don't seem to mind, at all. I am not the best mom when my fear sets in. I remember once when we were in Disney world I was afraid to touch the slimly little fish that they give you to feed the dolphins so I used Grace's hands like tongs and had her do it. I'm afraid in the water, I might be equally selfish, so rather than throw my children to a river shark to save myself, I simply stay on the boat.

And finally, I am feeling excitement. Alex has grown up on boats his whole life. He is thrilled to be a boat owner and I haven't seen him this happy since the Red Sox won the series...I mean since our children were born. 

So, if I must sit on the deck of the "Sea Ninja" and drink sparkling wine while my children and husband enjoy a perfect summer's day that is a sword I am willing to fall on.

See you on the river.

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