GoTeamKate
  • GoTeamKate
  • MomBeast (Couch to Crossfit)
  • Entertainment/Shopping
  • Contact Us
  • Writing Services
  • Basic Bitch Baking
  • Photos by Kate
  • Photo Gallery
  • Diary of a Dad
  • The Diagnosis
  • Shanell's Portfolio
  • Shop
  • Help and Advice

I talk about Autism, a lot

My Own Worst Enemy

2/20/2014

8 Comments

 
Picture
When Grace was not yet two, she spoke in full sentences.  She had beautiful insights into the feelings of other people.  She sat like a tiny doll in any restaurant we chose and we relished in telling people these very things.

If I could, I would travel back in time and tell that smug version of myself what a righteous ass I appeared.  I would explain that not everybody's baby turns out this way and who the hell did I think I was pointing that out at every turn.  

Did I tell my anecdotes at parties where other moms sat quietly listening and fretting because their child had yet to utter a word?  Did I find excuses to show off Grace's loquacious ways?  Of course.  I would have hated me.  

When Kate came along it was especially troubling to watch her miss one milestone after another when compared to her sister who easily reached and surpassed the lists in those baby books (which can be equally as awful as I was).  

It hurts like a son of a bitch to feel your gut wrench when your child doesn't pass the standardized tests in the bullshit baby books but what hurts even more is when thoughts of what was once such a source of pride about your other child can now bring you to tears in comparison.  


Do we really need other mothers to point that out to us when we are already so hard on ourselves?  How kind they all were not to speak up when I bragged about my talking baby.

I won't say I am done comparing my girls.  I will say that no one, not even me, can set a standard for my children, or yours.  

So, tonight when I changed the diaper of my almost four year old and tucked her into bed after reading her a board book about colours, I kissed her forehead and told her she was perfect because I know she is.

8 Comments
Jacqueline link
2/20/2014 09:50:45 am

And all of this is the unspoken truth that many of us feel. Thank you for being BRAVE and speaking these words out loud. I am a mother of a 7 year old autistic child (I follow you on Facebook. I'm the mama of Bailey-Ryan. I posted a pic on your page of Miss Bailey-Ryan and her cat Milo!! ;) ). She is my only and my fear to have another is so overwhelming it can often be disabling. She is SSSOOO much to handle. I so feel you!!

Reply
Rebecca Masterson link
2/20/2014 09:58:24 am

Oh, my friend. I just love the way you write. Beautiful.

Reply
Odile Cliche
2/20/2014 10:31:38 am

Every nights when I take Charles to bed, who was diagnosed last late summer, I tell him that I love him and that I'm proud of him.

Every single night. Why? Because I am.

Reply
Mel link
2/20/2014 10:32:14 pm

I so get this. I remember wanting to take some credit for how verbal our older son was. It must have been because we were brilliant parents who read all time time and got him on a sleep schedule right away and did everything right. I'd smack my old self upside the head, I think.

Reply
StacyXO5 link
2/21/2014 05:16:55 am

This is a great post. People don't understand how hurtful it can be to hear about that kind of thing. My oldest son Luke became potty trained right at the age of 5.(Right in time for kindergarten) It completely happened out of nowhere. Which strangely is the way a lot of things(that we struggle with) go with Luke. The same exact thing with colors. For a very long time everything was labeled red, then suddenly he was labeling multiple colors. Once he gets it, he gets it. Some things just take more time and effort for us to accomplish, but I have faith that he will be able to do what he wants to do. It is just going to be on his schedule. Kate is beyond perfect and she is so lucky to have an awesome mom like you.
Stacy

Reply
Courtney link
2/22/2014 07:45:20 am

Well said my friend.... you are amazing!

Reply
Kerry
2/22/2014 03:56:23 pm

Really we'll written shanell.
Yep, I was that mum,just like you I did the very same with our bright eldest child not ever thinking how I sound to other people..squirm.
Our autistic boy-11- has only in the last few months stopped wearing nappies to bed, we never thought he'd ever get staying dry at night..but he's done it and we're so proud.

Reply
Elizabeth link
2/24/2014 05:23:21 am

I love this post and all of the comments about how proud we are of our children for being who they are. Thank you!

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Click Here to support my Patreon
    Happy Mail to:
    GoTeamKate

    27 Wellington Row
    Saint John, NB
    E2L 4S1
    I've been a tad overwhelmed with teaching Kindergarten during a pandemic (masks and all) butttttttt, I have not forgotten my sweet patr https://www.patreon.com/sunnyandsinclair
    https://www.patreon.com/sunnyandsinclair
    Click to Browse ETsy Shop
    Patreon
    Email Me

    Archives

    April 2022
    October 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012

    Author

    Grace and Kate's mom. (Shanell)

    RSS Feed

Contacts for Team Kate
Shanell Mouland
Alex Mouland

Blogs We Like
Rockstar Ronan


Links We Like
National Autism Centre
  The Greenspan Floortime Approach
  • GoTeamKate
  • MomBeast (Couch to Crossfit)
  • Entertainment/Shopping
  • Contact Us
  • Writing Services
  • Basic Bitch Baking
  • Photos by Kate
  • Photo Gallery
  • Diary of a Dad
  • The Diagnosis
  • Shanell's Portfolio
  • Shop
  • Help and Advice