![]() A wise man once said: "Don't read the comments", and up until that point I really hadn't because I am a tad lazy and quick to move on after I spit out a piece of writing, but that warning drew me to the comments section like it was cake and I spent hours reading thoughts on my parenting skills, lifestyle, education, physical appearance, morals etc. by perfect strangers. Don't get me wrong; most of these comments were kind, heartwarming and generated by people who stand with us as we share our story but some, well some were downright nasty, threatening and worst of all, grammar-defying. Now, I can get behind the fact that I might have a foul fucking mouth, and strong opinions about autism but if you're going to tell me off, can you at least use your computer's spell check? More importantly, could you read a little more of my message before you decide I am worth harassing to the point of stalking. I am not always patient, but I am working on it, and I'm pretty sure I have never called someone an "unholy C. U. Next Tuesday", but I probably will now. Seriously, though, it kinda hurts. Here is what I need you to know: 1. I share our life, not because I want people to know that it's hard, but because I want people to be prepared for Kate and kids like her. 1% of the world's population is on the autism spectrum. Families across the world are doing the best they can with what little they have in terms of support. We won't be ignored. 2. I write as a form of therapy. I don't edit my feelings. I strongly feel that if I am honest about my thoughts at every stage of this trek it could help someone, somewhere down the line. At the very least, it helps me. 3. If you shared your thoughts and feelings in a public forum as I do; the good, the bad, and the embarrassing, would you expect/appreciate a fury of anger directed at you and your family? If we have a difference of opinion, then please, feel free to share it because this conversation is an important one, but please, for the love of wine, take the hate down a notch. I'm a real person and I read the comments. The following are real comments taken from the comments section of articles I have written (I'll spare you the vulgar ones): Your kid sure doesn't autistic. I read your "diagnosis" post. As an outsider, it sounds more like you're a neurotic parent projecting your own issues--like not being able to bond with her child--onto her. Autism is the diagnosis du jour, isn't it? Oh dear. What a big fuss over such a non- event. Poser. Do you spend more time writing about life than living it? That was extremely nice of him because I'm sure Kate is super F*&#@ng annoying! "Thank you for not making me repeat those awful apologetic sentences that I so often say in public." Seriously? Way to go on your poor parenting skills. Lord knows we would not want someone to control their screaming kid. Wow... This "article" makes me want to pick on an autistic kid. I mean, he'll still play with me, so why not? Judging by the picture, your daughter looks extremely young for an 'autism' diagnosis and I'm sure she's just been mis-diagnosed. Her behavior doesn't sound like 'autistic' behavior, but rather, just acting out that hasn't been disciplined. I really dislike parents who feel like they deserve special treatment for having 'special' children who they simply just don't discipline and post stories like this for fame. This person is so angry. It's anger brought on by guilt. The guilt that is associated with knowing that they failed to research the causes of autism prior to having a child. I've seen it time and time again. but it is a ficticious disease.......just like alcoholism .....come on , are you seriously going to tell me that bc a child is loud, doesn't want to pay attention, acting up , is not JUST A BAD CHILD WHO WONT LISTEN , .....no, you go give it a name to help people feel better about themselves.....what makes it a disease?? b/c someone said so , came up with a name , and wrote about it ??? how do u prove its a disease This woman is a bitter bitch who resents that other people are saying exactly what she feels. She is just mirroring her own embarrassment at her child. This says more about her than anyone else. I have never heard someone talking shit about kids with autism. I hear a lot of mothers in fear of it, with a lot of empathy for mothers who ARE dealing with it. She is just defensive about it in a sad way. She needs to shut her cake hole and just help her children learn to live in a world that is difficult to navigate. You know, BE A FUCKING PARENT! This article writer really needs to go to anger management classes... No Thanks. I'm the other parent in the waiting room. The one with the polite, nonviolent child in need of PT, OT and Speech. I need YOU to control your child and to set the bar higher. My son's diagnosis may not have t-shirts, commercials and fun runs but since in society many resources are shared in education and medicine you need to play by the rules of society. Often times I feel bad for the "children with autism" cause they got cruddy parents not in touch with reality once that damn spectrum becomes the center of their lives. My son is silent, so I understand that it's easy to go down the rabbit hole of being the voice/advocate for your child and the emotions that come from having a child that is not typical. But that does not give you as a parent to project an identity of diagnosis onto a child. Creating this culture where it's fine to wear elastic pants as a 13 year old, annoy people with talk of minecraft, or throw a temper tantrum as a normal response. In my opinion projecting a diagnosis onto a child is one of if not the most immoral things you can do. Rather than working and fighting through interventions and standards in behavior that this noisy population would rather have civil society lower it's standards even more makes me sick. However the internet eats it up with it's clickbait industry. Eitherway, I suspect IF your child is acting like a brat in public it's got less to do with what you excuse away as autism, and MORE to do with the behaviors the child see's in you as a parent. Maybe I've spent too much time in the waiting rooms of medical centers, but after being aggressively farted on by an obnoxious brat who knew what he was doing and witnessing his mom knowingly not discipline him I say NO. This is a temper tantrum article. EVERYONE in the world has problems. No one should need to live autism or any other issue you have in order for there to be tolerance. Did you ever once stop to consider that you are NOT the center of the universe and other people may have problems that are more emergent than yours? Do you expect the person suffering from a migraine to sit and smile at you if your child is having a screaming tantrum for 5 minutes+???
12 Comments
Michelle
3/30/2015 09:40:56 am
I have a small blog and Facebook page and thus far have not faced too many nasty comments. Your work is published on many wonderful sites and in the Blogosphere World I think many new writers (including myself) applaud your courage, honesty, humor and over all "Bad Assness" Sadly the more your work is published and viewed the more bad apples with uneducated and unknowing opinions will feel the need to put in their two cents. Thankfully the majority of the readers are parents and families that get it...that live it...and can relate wholeheartedly when you put "pen to paper". I am sorry that you have to deal with such hate and ignorance but Thank You for continuing to write about your beautiful life and your beautiful family and thank you for giving others the courage to share their stories as well!
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Jennifer Hillier
3/30/2015 10:01:22 am
I really appreciate this blog because it outlines the successes, and yes, the failures, associated with navigating the challenging world of raising a child with special needs; in this case, specifically autism. As a special educator, it sincerely bothers me that so many people are still so honestly ignorant of the autism spectrum and the difficulty individuals with autism face every day. This particular entry made me so mad that ignorant people can truly believe they know and understand enough on the matter to make their opinions known. Obviously they do not.
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Liz Brewer
3/30/2015 10:22:27 am
To the whole Mouland clan ~ I spent thirty years in the teaching profession. No one bothered to educate me about the various diagnoses on the spectrum in any university course I ever took. I first learned back in the 1980's when I had a child of my own with learning disabilities. I want to thank you for being not only an advocate for your children, but teaching me more than anyone else about what to expect and how to support an autistic child. To those who negatively reply, (and I doubt that you will read my response because you are obviously correct) each child is different. What I may learn here from this blog may not help me today in my classroom, but it gives me a point of reference when trying to find what works for another child. I am the person who asked if Oakley could go in the water during Kate's swimming lesson; I don't take her swimming but the more I know the better prepared I am to deal with circumstances that come . We have had success by teaming the parents, teachers and support staff-yes,we have a long way to go. If I live long enough perhaps I can work on remedial manners and respect for adults who missed the course the first time around.
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ShanEda Lumb
3/30/2015 10:26:12 am
Good on you, Mama Bear!
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Captain Delicious ( not Fred )
3/30/2015 10:36:45 am
When it seems to much to bear just remember that these comments are from bored , shallow folks that have read two paragraphs you've written and have never even so much as bumped into you on an elevator . In five minutes they will be responding in caps/lock to a post about cinnamon treats or how to spell a celebrities nickname .
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Shanell
3/30/2015 10:40:47 am
Oh Captain, My Captain! My friend Fred would have said the same thing! Brilliant perspective.
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Amy
3/30/2015 10:37:25 am
Scientists have located the genes that cause Autism, the only reason they haven't found it before was because they were looking for one gene, not a set. It's in the DNA...is that proof enough. Guess we can't cure stupid if these people can't at least research before they open their mouths and try to hurt.
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momof3
4/4/2015 09:52:32 pm
It turns my stomach to read some of those I'll mannered posts, some almost brought me to tears. I'm a mom of 3, none have autism but my son is adhd and ocd, yet nothing at all wrong with my 2 girls. Living with a child who has a disability is tough, it can be a real struggle I'm not going to compare apples to oranges, we all know they're different, but raising a child in this day and age is hard enough. Kudos to you Shanell! Don't let the haters deter you from doing what gives you peace, what gives you the ability to survive everyday! If I had one wish, it would be for all of the non-believers to have a child with a disability, see how their great parenting skill work!
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Lucy
4/7/2015 02:44:57 am
Long post, apologies: I will never get my head around these (poor) people who don't simply lack empathy but actively avoid developing it. I very much agree with The Captain, trolling isn't personal 99.9% of the time, it's just excess bile and it's their problem not yours.It is indiscriminate. A friend of mine calls it 'Evil Brain Spam' which seems about right. Please don't ever think this blog or your parenting is unimportant or at all whingey. I am not a mother (yet *knocks on wood*) and I have had little contact with people on the spectrum but your beautiful writing gives me strength and laughter and reminds me never to get too cynical about humans, they will never stop surprising you, for every troll, there is a Kate and having the courage to share the hard times and new developments will have value to more people than you will ever know. (PS I am the Grace in my family, I'm not saying I haven't been known to 'use ' it -mainly thru ages 13-17 - but she's going to be ok too)
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Nicole
4/12/2015 12:36:14 am
Hello from England,
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jessie
5/14/2015 07:39:50 am
keep fighting the good fight... you provide comfort, insight, humor, the frustration, the difficulty, i can go on, to all of us parents who have children with autism... i especially love the "kate answers your questions" on you blog...i have wanted to say some of those things myself.... dont let ignorance effect what you do, because there are parents out there that love reading your blog..so thank you for your blog...
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