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I talk about Autism, a lot

I don't Feel Like Advocating Today

7/6/2016

11 Comments

 
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Today was one of those days.

You know, a day 'when you drop everything you pick up and you forget to get gas and your bank account is depressingly low, but you have a bad case of the wants, and your kids, well, your kids are still pretty rad but kinda tired too and you feel a bit like garbage and you just don't want to advocate' kind of day. 

I know, I know. I signed up for the job of advocating for Kate. I write the intimate details of our lives and Kate's autism here for perfect strangers to read on a regular basis because I feel obligated to prepare the world for this kid. She's a force, as you can probably tell, and for all the wonderful things that go along with that, she needs a lot of support, too. So, I write and I write and then I write some more and I share a large portion of that with you. Most times you say nice things back, which is cool and sometimes you don't which is okay, too. 

But here's the kicker. When I write, I get to choose when, where and how I share information. I get to curate our world to suit the messages I want to send and I get to ignore, for the most part, rude and thoughtless comments. When I am walking around town with our little circus I 'get to' answer all your questions and receive all your stares and listen to all your loudly whispered comments on the spot and while I'm shopping or doing any number of things I need to do to keep our family going. And all of these things are for the most part, kind and thoughtful and with an honest interest in our world but there are times...times when I don't want to be the spokesperson for raising a child with autism or autism service dogs or mediocre parenting or middle-aged mom blog writing or any of the other things I do on a daily basis. I don't want to explain why she's wearing a costume, or why she's hopping or flapping or telling your husband she loves his big belly. I don't want to explain why her sister is painfully shy and always a little embarrassed but won't take her eyes of her sister for a moment.

Today, I just didn't want to do it.

Today,  I wanted to take my superhero clad girl and her sensitive big sister for groceries and a haircut without having to talk to anyone at all. I didn't want to smile back at the well-meaning individuals who, no doubt, thought miss Kate was the cutest 'little fella' they had seen all day.  I didn't want to nod thankfully at the people who were respectfully distant from Oakley as he worked and I sure as hell didn't want to listen to the grumblings of a dude that peaked in high school complaning about "that poor dog."

So, you should know, there are days like this. Days when I feel like I signed up for too much. Days when I am too tired to do what I promised. Days when I feel like you're all asking at once, all looking at once, all smiling at once and all grumbling at once. 

Today was one of those days.
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11 Comments
Ambra
7/6/2016 02:19:11 pm

I get it.

But omg your girls 😍

Reply
Heather
7/6/2016 02:38:11 pm

Love you and your girls...you are allowed to have as many of those days as you need...you don't just stand up for your beautiful kids are home. You do it for all your babies that come into your life..we are all so blessed to have you...

Reply
Cate Luther
7/6/2016 02:39:52 pm

(((Hugs))) Just so you know, you are human. When I go out with my girl., I feel like the meanest mom ever. Praying that tomorrow is better for you.

Reply
Karen Goddard
7/6/2016 02:46:15 pm

Shanell your allowed to be this way. Every mother regardless of their family life feels that way. And to the fella who peaked in high school... Use language he will understand and speak slowly. Your posts and pictures make my day. Thank you.

Reply
Terri
7/6/2016 03:43:37 pm

Your 'rawness' is inspiring, loving, & humbling. You are intitled to have 'not so good' days. And on days like today...when all else fails...tomorrow is a brand new day!💕

Reply
Peter McCrory
7/6/2016 04:05:24 pm

Thanks for sharing Shannon.

Reply
Peter McCrory
7/6/2016 04:06:56 pm

Sorry .....not Shannon....Shanell.

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Lori
7/6/2016 07:11:22 pm

As a mother with a recently diagnosed austic son, you bring a smile to my face as well as a tear to my eyes. Thanks for keeping it real. This mom TOTALLY gets it!

Reply
Heather Baker
7/6/2016 07:36:51 pm

You are awesome. Your kids are gorgeous. They have fantastic parents. They're going to turn out great. It's OK to have a day like this. I get it. I have those days to (my son is a spectrum kid). Thanks for sharing yours so that, next time I have one, I can think of you and smile.

Reply
Toni Brown
7/7/2016 04:58:43 am

I get what you are saying. I took Cecile for a "get to know you" for future singing lessons. I had to tell the music teacher she had autism which truly upset Cecile (she wants to keep it a secret as much as possible b/c she is high functioning). Even after the class she was steaming about what I said. I went to Facebook and showed her your blog about Kate along with some great photos of Kate. She thinks Kate is a really cool little girl high praise from a twelve year old and it made her feel better about her autism so I have to thank you for the blog and advocating for Kate even when you didn't want to this particular day.

Reply
Maclaren
8/8/2016 05:17:36 pm

Am totally getting you. There are days when I am so sick of going through a daily routine of floor time, teaching my boy how to respond to questions, dealing with his sensory demands, dragging him out of his shell... And then I just take a bottle of red wine and ask my husband to be on guard for the boy at night time. You absolutely have to be selfish and let your batteries recharged. You have to slow down for your sanity. Tomorrow there will be another day and you will live for humanity but today just live for yourself

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