 Dear Kate:
Why did you get to board the plane before me? As you can see from my Brooks Brothers suit and the latest version of the IPad I am a very important business man. My deadlines are looming and every minute I am not plugged in costs my company money. Yours Phil Black Owner and Chief Operator of Balloon Animals Inc. Dear Phil, Firstly, can I book you for my next birthday party? Secondly, I apologize because I failed to notice the lovely suit and the latest technology you held during my very painful sensory meltdown. I guess you could compare it to that time when you went to Legal Seafood and they were out of your favourite beer. For me, it was so overwhelming that I lost what language I have and both of my parents and my little sister worked hard to bring me back from a place that is tough for all of us. I don't always meltdown at that level but when I do I make sure it is extremely inconvenient for executives like yourself. If my father wasn't so busy holding me close and calmly helping me recover he might have had the time to politely explain autism to you with his fist. My mother would not have been so kind. Best, Kate Dear Kate: Why did you cry on the plane? You look old enough to understand that you must stay in your seatbelt until the seatbelt sign goes off. It was disruptive and dangerous when you screamed and took off your seatbelt before that little light went out? I travel all the time and I've never had the misfortune of sitting near a child that was so difficult! Sincerely, Joan "This is my second time on a plane" Johnson Dear Joan: I could tell immediately by your travel pillow and that brand new copy of In Style, that you are a seasoned traveller. I sincerely hope that I was not too disruptive to you during the flight. I could not understand the rules of the plane as language is not a reliable way to communicate to me. I prefer visuals, so my parents worked hard to show me what had to be done. The noise of the plane, the strange lighting and seatbelt were very difficult for me to navigate. I often asked to get off the plane, which must have been so frustrating for you to hear. Imagine, how my parents felt at 30,000 feet? In the end, I heard my parents discuss the idea of removing you from the plane at 30,000 feet. I guess they felt my confusion was easier to manage than your judgemental looks. Best, Kate Dear Kate: Why did you have a disability access pass at Disney? You don't look disabled? Where is your wheelchair? My knees have been hurting all day and I don't appreciate seeing you ahead of me in line. My aunt's sister's cousin's child has autism and he can't even talk! So, don't tell me you have autism because I heard you ask for a drink of water! Stop taking advantage of the system! My arthritic knees deserve that pass more than you! Angrily, Lois "Too old to be trading pins at Disney" Mercer Dear Lois, That pass was about as useful as the parenting advice I assume you dole out daily. It didn't move us any faster through lines than a FastPass and it was awkward to obtain and show everyone we encountered. We gave it a try because waiting is a concept that I have yet to master. Kinda like you and your problem with the concept of kindness. I know my parents would never waste precious time explaining my condition to you so I will give you your first lesson. I have autism and I don't care if you believe it. Best, Kate Dear Kate: It was so frustrating to see you scream at Goofy while my children and I were waiting patiently in line. My children did not appreciate the noise and commotion and we had been waiting forty-five minutes when you walked up screaming that you 'wanted to see Goofy!" Well, get in line sister, just like the rest of us. What makes you so special? If you are going to scream, your parents should take you right out of the park. We paid good money to be here, too! Righteously, Donna "I still force my teenagers to go to Disney with me" Wade Dear Donna, It's comical to me that you thought my behaviour was the stand out in that line. Yes, I was having trouble understanding that I had to wait my turn to see Goofy but the real show was a grown woman wearing head to toe Disney garb standing in line to see Goofy with two, understandably, mortified teenaged children. I know your goal in writing this letter to my parents was to teach them a little something about parenting but let me, instead, share some wisdom with you. Your teenagers don't want to travel with you to Disney anymore and that wasn't coffee in their tumblers. Best, Kate
81 Comments
Sue
1/6/2014 10:31:40 am
These are great posts and hopefully someone will learn something from your experiences.
SandySurette
1/7/2014 07:49:00 am
as always your insightful comments and straight forward here is how it is says it all.you Alex and Grace are doing a great job and Kate knows it!!
Kelly
1/12/2014 12:12:17 pm
So love these posts you nailed them!!
Aj
1/14/2014 07:12:48 am
I agree! This sounds so horrible and entitled. Not a good way to teach others about children with Autism. You have a huge audience now and you should use it to help people understand your daughter and the millions of kids like her who need all the understanding and awareness they can. Also, I have used the disability pass myself and although not every day at the park is great, and it sounds like you had a miserable time, what an amazing help, THANKS DISNEY! I was about to share your blog, but now I will have to skip. I hope you cheer up!
Danielle
1/13/2014 05:02:50 am
These "letters" are quite nasty and judgmental. Empathy and understanding are important skills for everyone - including Kate's parents.
TLin
1/13/2014 05:45:46 am
I agree with Danielle, maybe responding in an informative but not snarky way will teach others who do not know.
Sara
1/13/2014 06:48:07 am
I kind of agree. This is my first visit to this blog (followed over from a Huff Post article), and I'm a little bummed at the nasty vibe. I was kind of hoping I'd found a new blogger to follow, but not so sure after reading this post.
KJ
1/13/2014 07:19:50 am
Agreed! Without reading the other comments, I posted my own with similar criticism.
Zee
1/13/2014 11:55:49 am
I agree with these comments. I also followed over from a Huffington Post article, but it's sad to see these sarcastic posts.
Savannah
1/14/2014 03:12:54 pm
I do want to agree, But I would like to point out another side. Yes she came off snarky, nasty, and is going about this wrong. But it does give a pretty clear black and white picture of what I deal with on a daily basis. I don't have disabled family member. But I am a caregiver, 40 hours a week dedicated to one person. They are harsh letters. But what people say is harsh. And I would expect much worse letters. If I had a blog. I would probably get hate mail for going grocery shopping. Sadly, I want to scream at people for glaring too long. But I would lose my job, She would lose her child. This is her vent. Don't punish her for being a good mother. Just going about her relaxation technique a bit peculiar.
Sarah
1/14/2014 04:12:50 pm
What's interesting to me about these letters are that they seem to be assumptions about other people and what they are thinking. I'm a pediatric intensive care nurse and if there is one single thing I have learned is that it is to NEVER assume even when it seems obvious. I'm sure this mom faces selfish a**holes all day everyday but I hope she doesn't forget that they have things going on in their lives that are just as important and meaningful to them as what is going on in her life. Maybe the Goofy garbed mom is dying and just wanted to do one last Disney trip with her kids...and even if she is perfectly fine and healthy, who cares how she is dressed and thank God she is doing something with her kids! It's hard to have sympathy for someone who feels judged when they so loudly judge others.
Brooke
1/16/2014 01:51:52 pm
Are these actual letters received or did these people say these things to you? To All the holier than thou people saying that you should kindly explain instead of sarcasm, I have this to say. Try taking your autistic child out into the world and having people say things like this about your child day in and day out and see how patient and kind you are with your answers. My only wish/hope is that her mom either did/does say these clever answers to the rude, classless, mean spirited people who dare to say these things to her. Each person is lucky they didn't get punched in the face. Kate is adorable and very lucky to have two loving, attentive parents and such a kind sister. What the guy on the airplane did is awesome. I would like to think I would do the same. I do know I would speak to her and I would never try to make either of them feel bad. I also hope if Kate were my child that I would use humor just like that and I think both of her girls will turn out better than any of the kids belonging to any of the letter writers. Way to go Mom!!!! I agree with, Danielle, and I am an experience teacher of students with Autism, mother of five, and grandmother. You are nastier than many of the people who don't understand your child's disability. Further, you come off as if you feel you have the right to demand everyone move aside because you choose to take a 2 year old Autistic child to Disney. There are others with health problems, and other people with children with behavior and temperate issues, that YOU are not aware of. Just because they don't have a special pass, doesn't not mean they are less deserving of your compassion, the compassion you are demanding that everyone give in abundance because you chose to place your 2 year old in a stressful situation that she and you were not able to handle.
Morgan Bosley
1/13/2014 05:27:04 am
In love with your blog. LOL I am the mother of an Autistic 11 year old girl! We also did Disney last year and let me tell you we had some similar experiences. LOL nothing more fun then a 10 year old sitting on the floor refusing to move and covering her ears and moaning. Thank you for writing your experience.
KJ
1/13/2014 07:18:32 am
Wow. I really don't care for this post. It is rude and you are making assumptions about people you don't know.
Wish
1/15/2014 07:00:48 pm
'Wow. I really don't care for this post. It is rude and you are making assumptions about people you don't know. '
Jennifer
1/15/2014 09:32:54 pm
It's pretty hard to take someone seriously that's asking for patience and understanding without judgement but turns around and does the opposite. Instead of helping non disabled families understand their struggle, it just makes them look the same as the jerk offs their complaining about.
Katy
1/13/2014 08:11:34 am
While I am not a parent, I identify with this post. And getting offended because someone is speaking their minds about the way some people act makes you close minded in my opinion. You don't like it, don't read it.
Anonymous
1/13/2014 02:03:23 pm
Sorry. I disagree. She wasn't writing this blog during her five alarm fire.
Jess
1/14/2014 11:00:49 am
I am almost positive that Kate's mother writes this blog to let out the frustration she feels on a daily basis having a deal with a situation like this. I'm guessing that the people commenting about it being too sarcastic and rude have never had to deal with anything like this even once, let alone multiple times a day. Everyone vents in their own way and we can't all be "nice" and "educational" and give everyone the benefit of the doubt ALL the time. If the people mentioned in this post didn't show respect to Kate or her mother, why should she be concerned with her lack of respect she shows them in this post? She shouldn't have to educate you on the subject of not being rude to children, let alone children with autism.
To Jess
1/14/2014 04:29:27 pm
Wrong + Wrong does not = Right
I am a special education teacher and I teach 3rd-5th grade students like your daughter as well as students with other disabilities.
Megan
1/13/2014 09:53:51 am
This post is so judgemental. Obviously people are wrong to judge your daughters behavior without knowing the whole story but that doesn't make it ok for you to judge other people ( ie. too old to pin trade, dragging their teenagers to disney). Maybe you should try leading by example instead of teaching your children that when people judge you you should just judge them back.
Joan
1/13/2014 09:56:56 am
it isn't as though she was handing these letter out. She was clearly frustrated and this is a perfectly healthy way to vent, which is a great deal better than cursing or getting angry in front of your children. For those of you ignorant enough to criticize the "harsh, negative" tone of the blog, maybe read the rest of it first. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes and don't overreact when a woman was simply expressing her anger.
Megan
1/13/2014 10:15:21 am
You can vent without making judgemental comments about other people. For example Lois "Too old to be trading pins at Disney" Mercer. Why is the author judging this guy for trading pins? I just think the judgemental comments take away from the point she is trying to make. I'm sure one day her kids will read this blog and that is not the kind of attitude I would want to teach my children to have.
MA
1/13/2014 10:43:31 am
I most disagree with your last post. Disney World is a place for those of all ages, and my teenagers and college age children adore the park. One day you'll find yourself bringing your teenage daughters to Disney, too.
Lulu
1/14/2014 01:52:54 pm
I agree with you! I don't understand why she is mocking that woman for standing in that line. I went to Disney for the very first time when I was 19. It was only then that I could afford it.
LibbyP
1/15/2014 05:09:08 am
I went to WDW for the first time on my honeymoon - my parents couldn't ever afford it (nor could my dad miss a day of work) and my new husband and I decided to go instead of buying me a wedding ring. I waited in all those lines and was so excited! And now that our financial situation has improved, we do take our teens - they asked to return last spring break (as a sophomore and junior in high school). It is a wonderful place to spend with teens and we had a great time. I hope that your responses were just anger at the moment. We are all walking a rough road - my daughter has a "hidden" disability but our family might look perfect from the outside - and kindness rules. Kindness wins. Kindness. Kindness. Kindness.
Suzie
1/16/2014 07:16:21 am
Agreed.
Kitty
1/13/2014 12:09:57 pm
I, like many others, happened upon your blog from the Huffpost article that has apparently gone viral. Reading this particular post is especially heartbreaking to me. I can't believe how close-minded and self-centered people can be. People really say and do this kind of stuff? Ugh. Makes me want to live on an island by myself. With that being said, all the people complaining about "negativity" need to get off their high horse. I fully commend you for not letting people make ignorant, snap judgements about your daughter or your life. You have every right to protect that little girl who can't protect herself. You also have every right to vent because I'm sure you have made many people feel better who have been in similar situations. You have gumption and a huge heart. Please don't change a thing.
Autism Advocate
1/14/2014 01:10:31 am
Actually, it appears from her post that people SAY nothing at all. She looks at people's faces (instead of dealing with her own child), then assumes what they are thinking. She then takes to the internet to write up all the physically assaultive things she is going to do to everyone she sees.
My thoughts exactly!
1/14/2014 07:14:46 am
TERRIBLE ADVOCACY!
Lisa
1/18/2014 02:41:50 pm
Kitty, I TOTALLY agree.
Anonymous
1/24/2014 07:57:18 am
Ha! Defensive much!? ANY blog that is public is allowed positive & negative critique. And I'm pretty sure you're not the internet police. So don't tell anyone what they can and can't read.
Autistic Advocate
1/14/2014 01:08:42 am
You're doing HORRIBLE things for autism advocacy with your ignorant, threatening, and unintelligent "answers" to questions. Good luck experiencing any empathy for your daughter when her parents are busy threatening to assault people all day. Just remember, whatever she experiences in life will likely be the result of the hate you're putting out there on her behalf.
Let's not add to it
1/14/2014 04:32:47 pm
I wouldn't say she is doing horrible things for autism advocacy, let's not jump off the ledge. At worst she undermined herself but not autism in general.
Julie D
1/14/2014 02:06:54 am
I cannot believe these people have nothing better to do than to complain about someone else's child. I have a 14 year old autistic son and have received many nasty looks and stares over the years, but it's not my responsibility to educate strangers nor explain anything about my child to them. I do my best to to redirect my child's behavior in public to minimize impact on anyone else, but there's only so much I can do. Before someone is so quick to blame someone else, they should consider the possibilities that might be driving the child's behavior and then move on and pay more attention to their own kids. I admire what you do and all you do and hope the negative people out there, roll off your shoulder. Here's to you and Kate!
Ruth
1/14/2014 03:51:49 am
I have found some of your posts informative, and have had my eyes opened about some of the misconceptions I have held about autism.
Kris
1/14/2014 09:58:16 am
My dear, as a fellow mother to a special needs child, I just want you to know you are not alone, and I love you for writing this so honestly. Whatever anyone else says, we are allowed to have days like this, and posts like this, and if they don't like it, they are free to shove off. Water off a ducks back.
Behind Closed Doors
1/14/2014 04:18:31 pm
A mistake people make about the internet is that it is a place where it is okay to do anything, it's not. Venting these types of frustrations TO THE WORLD is not appropriate, even though having these feelings/thoughts is completely natural.
Lori
1/14/2014 10:30:38 am
I saw your blog about the wonderful daddy in seat c which led me to your site, then I saw the questions and was sad to see the way they were written. I imagine it is very frustrating to deal with people who obviously do not understand however I found they were rude and judgmental which is exactly what I thought you were trying to help others not be. :( I loved the letter that brought me to your site though and hope you can focus on the positive people.
Practice & Preach
1/14/2014 04:25:13 pm
"A moment of patience in a moment of anger prevents a thousand moments of regret" - Ali Ibn Talib
CBlondie
1/14/2014 06:16:25 pm
Personally I found it somewhat amusing imagining these being said outloud. It can be very frustrating sometimes to have to keep your mouth shut when people are judging you, whether they say it aloud or not. Sure she may have made some assumptions about others, but who hasn't?
Fluffy
1/14/2014 08:49:26 pm
This seems a little passive aggressive to me
Amelie
1/14/2014 09:18:04 pm
"She looks at people's faces (instead of dealing with her own child), then assumes what they are thinking. She then takes to the internet to write up all the physically assaultive things she is going to do to everyone she sees.
Anonymous
1/15/2014 01:36:03 am
So you would not recommend getting a disney world pass for disabilities but instead just get the fast pass? Headed to Disney in March with my 5 year old twins, my son has Autism. Horrified about the first airplane experience! He has sensory issues as well.
April
1/15/2014 06:00:46 am
I think you are an amazing family. The comments of the people on here who are offended by your remarks, are just their opinions. They are like a**holes, we all have em. I have 3 healthy children. That being said, they are children. We have had many public fit throwing sessions and plenty of "advise" of others. I could only begin to imagine how difficult of a time it must be for you and your family with an Autistic Child. Frankly, I think many of your answers were VERY clean and proper answers according to what I would have written. No we don't know what the "others" have been through. The business man, the mom of teenagers, or anyone, but if everyone would tend to their own then none of these issues would need to be addressed. I will keep you and wonderful family in my prayers and also pray for those you are forced to come into contact with.
sh
1/16/2014 04:34:35 am
they're not assholes for being offended by what was written. just like you expressing your opinion, they were doing the same, which is entirely fair and reasonable. Shanell has written this blog to express how she's feeling and coping, and people are letting her know how they feel she's doing. just like she wants a little sensitivity and understanding from others, they too want that from her.
April
1/16/2014 06:26:22 am
Guess if you bothered to read my comment, you would have been better informed to make your comment. NEVER ONCE in my comment did I call ANYONE an asshole. I did however state that everyone has an asshole just like everyone has an opinion.
Sarah
1/15/2014 07:46:38 am
Wow!! You are saying how I feel!
ReAnn
1/16/2014 02:49:55 am
You can't "reason" with them. It's federal law. Practice with your son at home. "Ok, it has to go to sleep for landing."
Josh
1/15/2014 09:23:44 am
For someone who wants others to be non judgmental, your scenarios seem a bit too judgmental to me. You have no idea what others are thinking, and what else may be going on in their lives when they give you "the look". Instead of expecting others to show understanding, you may need to have some yourself. 1/15/2014 11:07:59 am
I've been an EMT for 36yrs. You're both my heroes. The compassion to teach with an edge to sturdy yourselves is not only heartening but healing. Wish I could help. Contact me anytime, please.
Lori
1/15/2014 02:17:48 pm
As a mom, I know what it is like to want to protect my child, and become the mother bear. Can I just say that there will always be confused and tactless people. You have an opportunity to teach your children to rise above and to have grace. This is truly being a hero. I have been angry and said things too, but as moms, we need to be examples of confidence. She will respond the way you teach her. Preach her to have a teaching attitude. Then she will be respected and not become bitter.
Stephen
1/15/2014 06:36:59 pm
The biggest mistake we all make, every day, is assuming that we know more than we do about the people around us. We assume to know what they think, what they feel, and what they would say if only we sat down and had a real conversation with them.
Lacy
1/15/2014 10:33:19 pm
Oh, another "autistic mom" who is trying to get internet famous with her blog.
April
1/16/2014 01:20:27 am
Really? Sounds like you too are a little behind "mentally".
John
1/16/2014 08:30:12 am
April your comment is just as rude and judgmental as the blog author's Q and A post is.
Aj
1/17/2014 08:40:26 am
Exactly!
Jenny
1/16/2014 10:38:36 am
I'm a newlywed and my sister and brother in law's daughter has Autism. I never knew much about it before meeting them, and I am still learning about my new niece, and how to treat her. I found this particular entry to be snarky and judgmental. When I asked my brother in law why his daughter was throwing a fit because of the extreme cold weather, he was able to explain it to me without making me feel bad for wondering. I think these are very real issues that you bring up from Kate's perspective. A more appropriate response would be to explain about why Autism makes her scream in an airplane- not to be nasty to the rude guy on the airplane. Some of us don't know and are legitimately trying to find out and when we come across mean things, we are very turned off. My in-law's have a really good attitude about it.
Mimi
1/16/2014 06:57:40 pm
I love your blog and your posts! they are awsome. And I understand your sarcasm in your posts to people which are just judging because someone isn´t behaving normal! GO ahead!!!!
Tracy
1/16/2014 08:33:20 pm
After reading the 'Daddy' airplane post which was heartwarming, it really disturbed me to read this one.
Ashley
1/16/2014 10:13:23 pm
I read your "Daddy" post after it blew up on Facebook and was really touched by it. I linked it to a mother who also blogs about her autistic son, and the challenges they face. It really was uplifting. However, this post really changed my tune. I am a woman with Cerebral Palsy in her late twenties, and look, I get it. I deal with the staring, the judgmental comments, and discriminatory behavior every single day, as I have for the entirety of my life.
Paula
1/17/2014 12:17:34 am
Dear Kate, I can see by your pictures that you are a beautiful little girl! It's a shame that too many people are too busy to see that! I am glad you have a Mommy and Daddy and big sister that takes such good care of you and brings you back to a happy place when you just don't understand what's going on... People need to understand that they have no idea what others are going thru.. They need to look at things thru eyes that are not seton only their own needs... I'm glad you found that "daddy" on your flight back from Philly.. I pray you all find comfort in The Lord and he helps you thru those unhappy times... God bless you all!
Renee-Ann
1/17/2014 02:49:36 am
Dear Shanell,
Dick Richards
1/17/2014 12:56:32 pm
I cannot help but wonder if "mom" was so aware of autism and the challenges it presents before it came into her life? It seems as though she expects instant understanding and empathy from others while offering neither in return. It sounds to me as if she expects the world to come to a standstill and cater to her family's needs just because her child is autistic. Disrupt the dream vacations of the many for the sake of a few. Next time stay home!
Lisa
1/18/2014 03:02:58 pm
Dick Richards, please kindly take your own advice and stay home.
Lisa
1/18/2014 03:03:16 pm
Dick Richards, please kindly take your own advice and stay home.
Lisa
1/18/2014 03:03:37 pm
Dick Richards, please kindly take your own advice and stay home. 1/17/2014 09:17:06 pm
WOAW those questions are so rude!! i got no words!!
NHW
1/19/2014 04:32:10 am
Wow, how nasty. Like a lot of other people, I was brought here from the attention that the "daddy" post got, but I will not be reading any further. Empathy goes both ways!
not guilty
1/19/2014 11:21:37 pm
dear mom,
garfield
1/27/2014 02:03:10 am
How sure are all of you (well a lot anyway) that kate's mom is 'venting'. Mom is really an angry, hateful person using this blog to target her anger on people who are giving her the time and effort that she has set herself up to receive. Unfortunately, I think the whole purpose of this blog is just that, to allow her to have a safe target for her anger and aggression! Having children is a crap shoot. You never know what you are going to get. However, you have to deal with whatever life gives you with love and patience. Dear Mom, you should be grateful your children are alive, healthy and not in wheel chairs or that either one is facing some terminal illness!
Tori
1/31/2014 05:56:42 am
Nothing wrong with poking fun and using a little bit of good old fashioned sarcasm to cope with a personal situation that doesn't always have comic relief. Brilliantly written and a good read for anyone who needs a little reminder to think before they judge.
Tori
1/31/2014 05:56:59 am
Nothing wrong with poking fun and using a little bit of good old fashioned sarcasm to cope with a personal situation that doesn't always have comic relief. Brilliantly written and a good read for anyone who needs a little reminder to think before they judge.
Nothing wrong with poking fun and using a little bit of good old fashioned sarcasm to cope with a personal situation that doesn't always have comic relief. Brilliantly written and a good read for anyone who needs a little reminder to think before they judge.
Tori McPherson
1/31/2014 05:59:43 am
Oops. Please feel free to delete 2 of the 3 as it said there was an error with posting my comment. Overeager reader! Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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