Confessions of a Fat Girl at CrossFit

I’ve been to crossfit 37 times. I know that because I have been obsessively marking the pages of my planner whenever I go.

I’ll start at the beginning:

It was January 2nd, and as usually I was going through a list of possible resolutions. And just like Lent, for this lapsed Catholic, I always try and make my resolutions more about getting than giving up. My list read like this:

In 2019 I promise to:

1. Feel less guilty about buying books
   
2. Buy more books
   
3. Pretend I’m allergic to Kale
   
4. Learn to Swim
   
5. Make Art Everyday
   
6. Destroy the Neighbor’s Wind Chimes
   

I didn’t know where to start, having failed miserably at every fitness attempt to date so I decided to google some of the obvious and honest questions that were rolling around in my head:

Best gyms for fat people

Gyms where fat people are welcome

Least Painful workouts for out of shape people

And so on

(I know you think these search terms are all about the self-hate but trust me they were just a pragmatic way to find a welcoming gym)


It was a particularly dreary and depressing January morning when I decided to I needed to tell my husband straight away that I wanted to try Crossfit, because in all of my searches it kept coming up first.

He was in the shower, but I really didn’t want to wait to tell him that we were about to join a gym. A gym where I had said to its members: “Call your Dad, you’re in a cult.”

I burst through the bathroom door and held my phone into the shower showing him a picture of the gym website.

“We are joining this gym...tomorrow.”

He agreed; probably because he was shocked to hear those words from my mouth.

I contacted the gym immediately and set up an appointment.

Here’s what went down:
Starting Weight 268lbs

I donned my cleanest and newest ‘yoga’ pants, that, to date, had never been to yoga, and in fact, might be more aptly named “pajamas”, and drove, with my gym-ready husband, to our first appointment at Crossfit.

(I do love a run-on sentence, don’t I?)

This session was designed to go over the fundamentals needed to partake in a crossfit workout. So, basically, practicing movements like squats, lunges and a number of other workout-y terms that I don’t remember.

We practiced these movements for an hour, and I went home a little excited that we were about to start working out and making some positive changes to our health.

And then the next morning came…

Everything hurt.

It hurt so bad that when I sat down on the toilet to pee, I debated staying there until I had to pee again to avoid the pain of going from sitting to standing.

And if you think I am exaggerating, I invite you (if you’re out of shape like me) to come work out with me anytime.

I hurt like that for two days, and then I went back for more.

It doesn’t hurt that bad anymore, but it sure still hurts on some days, and I’m learning to appreciate those sore muscles because it means I got off my ass and did something.

Now at 37 workouts or 10 weeks in:

Current Weight 251lbs
Stay tuned for more.