GoTeamKate
  • GoTeamKate
  • MomBeast (Couch to Crossfit)
  • Entertainment/Shopping
  • Contact Us
  • Writing Services
  • Basic Bitch Baking
  • Photos by Kate
  • Photo Gallery
  • Diary of a Dad
  • The Diagnosis
  • Shanell's Portfolio
  • Shop
  • Help and Advice

I talk about Autism, a lot

Autism Parents by Category

2/15/2013

8 Comments

 
Picture
I have written before about my frustration with the marginalization of parents in the autism arena.  There is judgement abound among the public and even within the community itself.  The way I see it we are placed, by our own hand and others, into one of a few, superficial categories.  Having said that, I sincerely hope, that by detailing them here I do not further perpetuate the stereotypes but instead draw attention to the fallacies that exisit.  

Picture
Firstly, The Warrior Parent, who is kicking ass and taking names.  Don't get in their way because they will plow through you.  I have been guilty of taking pride in falling into this category on occasion but I have come to realize that it is a dangerous place to sit.  Credibility is difficult to hold onto when we are seen as a tunnel-visioned, battle-ready soldier ready to demolish the injustices in the autism world. The people that fall into this category are often articulate, strong, well-read and researched and they see little value in wasting time with things that don't directly involve improving autism services for their child and others.  The very terms we use to praise these parents can pigeon-hole them into a category that often can intimidate policy-makers and worst case, deter our efforts.  If you consider yourself a "warrior parent", please understand I am, in no way, suggesting you tone it down.  In fact, I am going to kill it for Kate and I don't plan on making any apologies.  I am asking that we re-think how we view the parents that scream it from the roof tops because if it wasn't for them we would have very little reform at all.  Their strength and resolve should not be reduced to a caricature of what they really are.

Picture
The next category is The Emotional-Wreck Parent, I also fall into this category on occasion.  I am sure every parent does. I have been know to break down at odd times and may appear less than stable to the lucky diners next to us in the restaurant. These parents appear to be struggling with coping and holding it together.  It would seem that all their thoughts and ideas are wrought with raw emotion and a desperateness that, like  in the case of the "warrior parent", can turn people off and avert our cause.  Wrong! These parents, the ones that get emotional, which again encompasses most of us, are as eloquent and expressive as any with their concerns and desires. They take a more authentic route and allow their feelings to show and can do more good sharing their heartfelt experiences than any autism scholar out there.  The objectives for these parents are no different than any other.  It is unfair to diminish their feelings as 'emotional' and therefore less than valid or legitimate.  These parents see clearly with the help of their emotions, not in spite of them.

Picture
The final category, and I know there could be many more and sub-categories too, is The Private Parent.  They could be seen as removing themselves from the game because they choose to quietly take their family on the autism journey.  These parents are our secret weapon.  They are no less passionate about their children and they are educated and aware.  They do not have to write a blog, or publicly battle policies they don't agree with but rest assured they are quietly and skillfully advocating for their child and that makes a difference for all of us.  They will watch and read and intellectualize everything before making choices and when they do speak out it is powerful and game-changing.  I know many of our readers fall into this category because we have so many visitors that never comment.  I respect this.  I get it.  

Obviously, I know that autism parents are far more diverse and intricate in their thoughts, feelings and actions than these three categories would allow. 

What do you think?  Do you fit into any or all of these categories.  Are there categories I have missed?  Please share.  I love hearing from you.


8 Comments
Karen -AspergersMom link
2/14/2013 11:32:57 pm

I am the emotionally unbalanced warrior parent! You left out a very big category -The parent in denial who doesn't even want to get their child diagnosed because of the stigma. They believe that their children are just being dramatic and their behaviors are for attention.

Reply
Shanell
2/17/2013 09:44:37 pm

I totally left our that category! You are right. I guess I forget about them because they don't join us. Thanks for sharing that.

Reply
jillsmo link
2/15/2013 12:47:20 am

There's also the Battle Worn parent. We've been at this for so long and we feel like the world has kicked us in the teeth.

Reply
Shanell
2/17/2013 09:45:49 pm

That is me today Jillsmo. I wish I could re-write this. Kate is glueing my nice paint brushes to the carpet and I am too tired to stop her. And, it looks like fun. :)

Reply
Sophie's Trains link
2/15/2013 12:51:38 am

Yea I second the "denial parents". It is a big category where we live, I'm sure everywhere. There is also then"find a cure" parents who blame vaccinations or toxins from air or cite government conspiracies regarding autism. There are also other subcategories I've seen but I don't like to put people in too many boxes. I think bottom line is that people deal with the diagnosis in ways that are in line with their personalities, attitudes, political beliefs, etc. I am the "lets examine all possibilities before we make a decision parent" lol. I am not too warrior-like, not too emotional, somewhat private and not in denial :) I am also a bit of the philosophical "what does it all mean in the grand scheme of things" parent.

Reply
Shanell
2/17/2013 09:50:01 pm

I wish our Province was a "let's examine all the possibilities Province!"

Reply
Monica E
2/15/2013 01:49:47 am

I've fallen into each of these categories at some point... somtimes I can jump from one to another in a second! Especially when I'm living in that emotional wreck category. Push me too far and I can go totally silent and private, or go all warrior on your ass! ;) Love how you've pointed out that no matter what type of parent we are, we all have something to offer. <3

Reply
Shanell
2/17/2013 09:51:14 pm

Hey Monica, I'll see you in the emotional wreck category. I have been spending some time there lately :). They have good drinks there, at least. :)

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Click Here to support my Patreon
    Happy Mail to:
    GoTeamKate

    27 Wellington Row
    Saint John, NB
    E2L 4S1
    I've been a tad overwhelmed with teaching Kindergarten during a pandemic (masks and all) butttttttt, I have not forgotten my sweet patr https://www.patreon.com/sunnyandsinclair
    https://www.patreon.com/sunnyandsinclair
    Click to Browse ETsy Shop
    Patreon
    Email Me

    Archives

    October 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012

    Author

    Grace and Kate's mom. (Shanell)

    RSS Feed

Contacts for Team Kate
Shanell Mouland
Alex Mouland

Blogs We Like
Rockstar Ronan


Links We Like
National Autism Centre
  The Greenspan Floortime Approach
  • GoTeamKate
  • MomBeast (Couch to Crossfit)
  • Entertainment/Shopping
  • Contact Us
  • Writing Services
  • Basic Bitch Baking
  • Photos by Kate
  • Photo Gallery
  • Diary of a Dad
  • The Diagnosis
  • Shanell's Portfolio
  • Shop
  • Help and Advice