10 Things A Little Girl With Autism Has to Get Off Her Chest

3/6/2014

1. Your quiet dinners are interfering with my exploration of the fancy restaurants.

2. Your social norms are confusing and they are seriously harshing on my mellow.

3. Your gender stereotypes are lame and teaching girls all the wrong things. Turtle Power!

4. Your lists of milestones are making all the parents panic. Relax.

5. I'm not ready for the potty. My age is irrelevant.

6. I'm smarter than you think and cooler than you know.

7. A hug-attack is an appropriate way to greet a stranger.

8. I often tell you many times, with non-verbal cues, to back off before I bite you.

9. My meltdowns are far worse for me than they are for you.

10. My parents DO NOT want your advice.

34 Comments

Anne White

3/6/2014 03:23:43 am

My son George had a remarkably similar list 25 years ago!

Tammy

3/6/2014 03:28:38 am

Right on Kate!

Heath Damon link

3/6/2014 03:32:57 am

Thank u I could not stop laughing. My 3 year old twin girls are autistic. I love them so much! I really needed this. Thank u

Lucy LeBlanc

3/6/2014 03:43:27 am

Love this list and the photo. Number 6 is my favorite because Kate is the coolest Ninja warrior I know and she is as clever as can be.

Heather Welch

3/6/2014 04:04:10 am

Kate power!!! Love it! xo :)

Jaymee Houser

3/6/2014 04:30:17 am

My daughter Coriander totally gets #6 and doesn't understand why her 13 year old big sister doesn't...

Jaymee Houser

3/6/2014 04:30:57 am

Rats, I meant #8

Michelle

3/6/2014 05:21:22 am

You tell 'em Katie!

Courtney Barnum link

3/6/2014 05:30:26 am

LOVE it!

Lisa Smith link

3/6/2014 06:39:19 am

Number Ten! Thank you!
http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2013/01/is-your-criticism-really-that.html

Jacqueline Rios

3/6/2014 07:32:26 am

I've had this whole list set... Been through all of this - and the list will continue to grow as Kate grows up (my daughter is 7 and adds at least two more things to the list every couple of months!!). LOVE the pic!!

Jim Walter link

3/6/2014 07:55:40 am

Love it!

Cathy

3/6/2014 06:19:46 pm

Kate is so lucky to have parents who understand and speak for her.

Anton Slavick

3/6/2014 07:52:19 pm

The list gave me a smile. The photograph left me picking myself off the floor. Go Kate! You are a beautiful little person and I wish you all the best..

Jo Ashline link

3/7/2014 02:01:35 am

Completely, totally, utterly fabulous.

Margaret

3/7/2014 02:38:32 am

Love this so very, very much.

Sandee

3/7/2014 07:31:37 am

As you're likely aware, 1 in 50 kids are on the spectrum -- suggesting melting down, disruptive autistic kids in most restaurants, classrooms, etc. Yet, I rarely encounter such an autistic kid.

Clearly, it is possible to teach an autistic child to behave like a civilized human being in public. You simply can't be bothered! My heart breaks for your girl -- because she will SUFFER as a result. Don't you think she would be happier, less destructive and less unhappy if she could COMMUNICATE her wants/needs?? Wouldn't that make going to a restaurant better for HER???

For shame.

Jenn

3/7/2014 10:29:33 am

Wow sandee, Comming from a clearly very uneducated person! Talk about shame... Your parents must be so proud of your pigheadedness to leave such a moronic rude response....

Andra

3/7/2014 10:57:41 am

HOW DARE YOU SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!

Rachel

3/7/2014 11:38:54 am

Where are all these autistic kids you know, Sandee? I'd love to know what therapies and interventions their parents have tried that us other 1 in 50 parents haven't already tried yet. I mean, 12 hours a week I'm wasting with autism specialists for the past two years and my child is STILL uncivilized. For shame indeed! What merciless idiots we must be!

Dee

3/7/2014 04:39:22 pm

Try "model me kids" please- it worked with my child.

Odile Cliche

3/7/2014 01:06:48 pm

Autistic child are sent to those who can accept challenges. Cleary you wouldn't and thanks to life you aren't.

Naomi

3/7/2014 09:29:16 pm

I have three kids on spectrum. Two talk. My middle son doesn't. Obviously we couldn't be bothered.

If you are truly that uneducated that you don't know the meaning of 'spectrum' please go to www.m-w.com

Jesse

3/8/2014 02:20:58 am

Wow, if only it was that easy.....or maybe it is..... Please Sandee, teach me how! I would love to eat at a restaurant with my whole family, what's your secret of teaching communication? You could make millions!! My 4 1/2 yr old is now starting to speak in three word sentences, but if you try talking using BASIC words (no emotional words ei sad, happy, frustrated, ect) for a day, you will see it is very frustrating! And while I'm thinking about it, do you have any answers for sensory issues????? If I take my son into a small grocery store like Save a lot, he can handle it pretty much like a civilized human, if its a short trip, less than 10 minutes. But if I take him to Walmart, he becomes that disruptive, uncivilized kid you're talking about. Please tell me the way!!! Tell us all!!!! Write a book so all of us out here can pay you and make you a millionaire and we can teach our kids to be civilized!

Anon.

3/8/2014 07:00:22 am

Interesting. Apparently you're unaware that the stats are 1 in 80, not 1 in 50. I'm also pretty sure she didn't say her daughter was melting down or being disruptive, merely that she was exploring - which could mean quietly walking around the table in circles without sitting down.

Also, I'm willing to bed the Mom is fully aware that her daughter would be happier and less destructive if she could communicate her wants/needs. Apparently, you're unaware that Autism is largely a communicative disorder... meaning that those with autism struggle with communicating. Which is why her mother has her in therapy, trying to teach her how to communicate.

Now, to be fair and give the benefit of the doubt, as you so nicely did for the Mom in this post, maybe you didn't realize that there isn't a Magic Wand to be waved and *poof*! - they magically can communicate overnight. But hey, if you think you can invent that wand, please by all means... I guarantee you'll be a millionaire!

I'm curious, do you know what the definition of "civilized" is? If you look it up in the dictionary it reads: "to be polite; well-bred; refined". Now, let's look at that first one for a minute - polite. If you would go back to your trusty dictionary for a minute, the definition of polite is as follows: "showing good manners toward others, as in behavior, speech, etc.; courteous; civil."

Now, I could be wrong, but, I was raised to believe that being rude and insulting to others, is not considered polite. Especially when the mother that you're insulting is the mother of a child with special needs, something you know nothing about. I was taught that sort of behavior was in fact, rude.

So, I find it interesting that your very own reply, is by definition, uncivilized. And thereby, quite turns you into a hypocrite, does it not?

For shame.

Kim

3/7/2014 04:03:39 pm

Clearly, Sandee, you have no clue.

Dee

3/7/2014 04:36:37 pm

Sandee has a point. All of us ( I have an autistic child, who we taught to overcome her insecurities and always be happy, so she is not disruptive or difficult) must learn acceptance and not be so closed minded/ dismissive- why are we so uncivil and cynical? Because Sandee makes us uncomfortable? Please introspect.

Rachel

3/7/2014 07:13:50 pm

What works for one child doesn't always work for another. If you think we're being uncivilized and cynical, what exactly was Sandee doing by shaming a parent knee deep in the thick of it? I'm glad you've found a program that's worked for your child, but I'm proud of the progress my five year old has made in two years. I suppose you missed the sarcasm in my reply to Sandee's shitty remark.

Dee

3/7/2014 08:48:50 pm

Yes, Rachel- you could say that i missed the sarcasm, the simpleton that i am. I had to struggle and know how difficult it is at times- my daughter did not even speak until 3, and until 4 , inspite of all therapies- was only exhibiting echolalia- she would get frustrated, bite etc. It was in this context, as a kindred spirit, i thought maybe i could help with some input- of course , the choice is entirely upto you whether or not you want to consider my experience. i was approaching this from a different perspective, I guess. In the end, i know that no one can make me feel bad other than myself. If i am self centered and in harmony with my environment, i can truly find the inner and outer peace that i seek. But, this is only my experience and like you rightly stated, what works for one may not work for another. God bless.

Jenn F

3/8/2014 04:11:19 am

As Ive mentioned in a past post.. I work with children that have special needs, most do have autism.. and are non verbal.. I know all to well about the body language cues. I also have worked with a young girl on how to come to me if she wants something, not just point and then get mad if I don't see her.. This took over a year.. and sometimes I still have to verbal tell her if she wants/or needs something to come take my hand and show me. And I love the number 6 one.. I have seen remarkable things that these kids ( that I have worked with or have seen) can do.. and some are just way smarter and more capable of doing these than people know. The worst thing and what I hate to hear is " Little Sally or Little Johnny don't know any better or cant to an activity because he or she has a special need/ autism/ mentally challenged. Yes they may not be able to fully do it "correct" but they still can do it if we adapt they way of learning the task so the individual can learn it.. But this is my opinion. Not saying im right but its how I see things anyway. Love your blog..

Alexandra

3/8/2014 04:19:07 am

My daughter is 4.5 and diagnosed with PDD NOS. I have seen comments from Sandee before on other autism blogs and sites. Obviously this is a hobby of hers, dropping criticism bombs on parents doing their best while she hides behind the safety cloak provided by the Internet. I agree with you Dee that we need to consider all points of view, but I'll just say this - People don't say the things Sandee feels free to say here if they've ever been punched in the face.

sharon schumacher

3/9/2014 04:05:54 am

Its clear she has no clue what she is talking about. Please parents of autistic children don't give her the satisfaction of upsetting any of you , that's just what people like her want to do . Dont worry like my husband Phil tells me all the time God will handle it better then you ever could , and that's if she makes it there. All my love Katie , and God bless!

Emily

3/10/2014 12:52:59 pm

If more people believed hug attacks were the way to greet strangers, we'd be in a happier world. It can be difficult to resist giving those who judge a piece of my/our mind, but don't they truly just need to be educated? Not by me though, I don't have time for that. I'm busy spending my waking hours teaching my six year old self-regulation and communication. I have a masters degree and am a licensed social worker-you'd think I'd have figured it out by now! Oh well, my kid is clever, sweet, creative and has a hilarious sense of humor. I guess I'll focus on that.

Irene @ FindAuPair link

3/19/2014 12:16:12 am

I don't see hug attacks as an awful thing to do. However, I can tell that it must be very hard for the parents not to be able to communicate with their children.

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10 Things A Little Girl With Autism Has to Get Off Her Chest

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