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I tried. I don't want to fail. Sure, it provides a laugh or two but I didn't want to spend $40 on ingredients and then fail so I tried really hard, again, to make this stupid pie. I found it on Pinterest, of course. The website is nice and the baker looks completely capable so I can blame it on no one but myself.  The previous three times I attempted this pie, last Fall, it failed. The caramel sauce was watery and the crust was burned to some degree each and every time. What the hell? I know baking requires some serious math but surely even I should get it right at least one out of four times. This is how it went down. Obviously I didn't make my own pie crust. That's just dumb. Unless you are a pastry chef, you probably can't do it better than Pillsbury. (They didn't pay me to say that, obviously)   I peeled and chopped those pears and I melted butter and brown sugar and white sugar to make the caramel sauce on the stove. I even brushed the crust with egg whites because it said to and I don't why but I did it. It should have worked. As I placed it in the oven I asked Alex if I should invite some friends over to enjoy some pie and ice cream after supper. His response: "Why don't we see how it looks first." He gets me. Baking is hard for me. Like Math or believing in Feng Shui. Did it finally work out? Did that warm, gooey, caramel pear pie make the house smell amazing and taste decadent.  Nope, that bitch was watery again. I even halved the water that it took to make the caramel sauce on the stove. I had friends over and they helped me figure out my mistakes. Friends are good that way. The recipe said to bake for 45 minutes or until golden brown. At 30 mins of baking, that dick-head pie was full-on golden brown. I took it out, let it cool and served it. The result. The caramel was watery, the pears were hard, but the crust was right on.  My friends suggested I cook it for the entire 45 minutes so I threw it back in the oven. The result. Perfect caramel sauce, some good pears and some seriously bullshit crust. Facccckkkkkk! I'm not giving up on this one. I will make it again. This is the fucking pie I will die on. 
5 Comments
Liz Brewer
8/24/2017 06:52:59 pm
Don't be discouraged. We all have different strengths. I could make the pie, I am sure but no way in the world could I mother a GRACEful, beautiful child, and a Ninja Pirate. Your work is so much more important and you do it so well. Keep up the good work! 8/24/2017 07:10:29 pm
I've never made a pie that looked any more attractive than yours. I don't care what stuff I make looks like just how it tastes. I noticed one significant thing that may be your problem if a problem exists. Pie was watery so you increased the cooking time. Since this did not make the pie to your satisfaction have you considered increasing the amount of cussing to get the pie to straighten out and fly right?
Rachel C
8/24/2017 06:59:14 pm
Pie is definitely not easy but you got this! What about partially pre cooking the pear mixture beforehand to make up for the extra time? Or add cornstarch to the mixture when mixing it on the stove? Just a thought, I clearly have no experience baking pear pie haha. I stick to the berries that you add sugar and water to...easy peasy. Good luck!!
Glenda Lockhart
8/24/2017 07:38:35 pm
Cooking is so overrated. I made an apple pie once and it wasn't as good as Mrs. Smith's frozen ones you buy in the store. I don't like cooking and have managed to live for 72 years without ever doing more than heat and eat. At some point people ( esp. my mother) accepted it was never going to happen. I hate yard work too and hire it done as well as a house cleaner once a week. I'm not lazy and would work my heinie off to make money to hire these things out. Retired now and still hiring them out. Leave a Reply. |
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