First day at the gym. It sucked. I hated the atmosphere, the people, the fucking smell. I hated it all. I did it because I know I should. Like the dentist or a Pap test, it's gotta be done. Fuck that gym and its fancy equipment and fit-ass people. I know I stand out. At 5'10' and 266lbs, at my full term pregnancy weight for Kate, which incidentally, is my little girl, whom I adore, whose diagnosis I've been blaming myself for for five years and said guilt might have something to do with this weight gain.
I worked out with Travis or Trevor or Liam. I don't fucking remember. He was pleasant and knowledgable.
He, at no fault of his own, asked me to lift those fucking cow bells for fifty minutes. My body, which loves relaxing and luxury and all of the creature comforts life has to offer, was mad as hell. I felt dumb, I looked dumb and I hated it.
I walked out in pain. So much front-leg pain. I'm sure there is a name for that kind of pain but I don't care to learn it.
Fuck that gym.
Tomorrow is gonna hurt. Tomorrow will be worse.
How is this in any way a good idea? Those cow bells I carried around hurt my muscles in a way that makes me want to shove those cow bells right up Terrence's firm ass.
I shouldn't take this out on him. He doesn't know the pain of one hundred extra pounds and birthing two large children and just life. Just life. But fuck him,he's gonna take the heat.
Fuck those cow bells and fuck Timothy.
I left that gym and drove to McDonald's you know. It's not a place I eat, or crave. I was just angry. I didn't know how to settle so I went and ordered a small chocolate sundae. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking except for maybe "how quickly can I sabotage the first healthful thing I've done in five years".
I don't really love sundaes. In fact, it would be one of my least favourite "treats". Maybe in some small way, some minuscule way, that is growth for me.
Sad, isn't it?
Here's the kicker.
I'm going back. I'm going back to that stupid gym and with those stupid fit boys that roll their muscles on giant foam rollers as if it's a real thing, and I'm going to try again.
I bet you can't wait for my next update....
*all opinions are my own and in no way reflect the excellent service I received from "that fucking gym" and "Tony"