I couldn't walk right for four days after that first gym visit, you know. Going downstairs was the worst. Nay, sitting on the toilet was the worst. Have you felt this ungodly pain? I debated staying down on the toilet after I peed until I had to pee again to avoid the pain. Why don't people tell you this shit? You know what else hurt? Raising my arms to wash my hair. I hung my head and did my best. And all the while I cursed that gym.
But guess what?
I went back. Twice actually. And I expect to go again.
Don't get me wrong, I still hate it. It's probably as close to state-of-the-art as any gym in town and the trainers are great, but I still hate it like I hate windchimes and not being filthy rich. (I mean, I've said it before but I don't even have a hot tub).
Sure, the psychologists among us may posit that my hate is misdirected and my anger is really at myself for getting so out of shape in the first place but I prefer to focus the bulk of that self-hatred directly on the gym and its well-toned people.
So, today was my third visit. I was all alone in the gym because it was early Sunday morning. It occurred to me I could make a giant bed out of the yoga balls and listen to music but I decided the responsible thing was to do the work out like I intended and besides there are too many windows.
I did it. I picked up those “cow bells” (yes I've been informed they are called kettle bells, but I like my name better) and I worked out for thirty-two minutes straight.
Like I said, small steps.
And when I was leaving I felt good. Not physically good, of course, because working out blows, but I felt mentally good because I did it, and best of all, I was done.
And as I hobbled out of that gym I found the white powder that sweaty men put on their hands and I pulled a mini-Lebron, just because I wanted to. And then I, of course, cleaned up my mini-mess with my socks.
Also, I wanted to mention, that if you are local and even remotely out of shape, could you please join this gym with me. I'm surrounded by hard-bodies and it makes me cranky.
Anyway, message me for details. I'm sure I've made it sound especially enticing.