I'm not worried about today, for the most part, anyway. That's a luxury I have. Today, will probably be okay. Today she won't run away because Oakley, and others on her team, won't let her.
Kate's version of autism, currently, is quirky and funny and only a little unbelievably frustrating for her and for us.
We rarely see self-harming behaviours or violent meltdowns, anymore. Most of her aggression is directed towards me and I understand that, because I am a safe place.
Her language, although largely expressive rather than receptive is getting stronger and those that know her can usually figure her meaning before long.
I think she has some real friends. I know she has a few thousand folks who read this blog that would gladly play Paw Patrol or Star Wars with her, but school friends are different and so very important. I think you know what I mean. We reached out to the mom of a little girl in her class and then we waited, nervously, until we got a warm reply notifying us that their daughter would love to play with Kate after school someday. My stomach is full of butterflies when I think about this. I suspect it will go well, but I am nervous nonetheless. Kate doesn't really get nervous. She knows she'll kill it.
My worries, these days, are focused in the future. Seems silly, I know. There is no use in worrying. It does nothing for me and even less for Kate. But I worry. I worry so fucking much.
Tonight, I don't feel like detailing my worries for you. I just wanted to let you know. My mind is constantly interrupted by these worries. I do things to keep my mind entertained so that these worries can't completely overwhelm me but they are always there.
Things I do to curb the worrying:
Read a lot about autism
Listen to a lot of audio books (Not autism related)
Talk to Friends
Drink wine with friends
Watch Cat Videos on the Internet
Drink wine with friends while watching cat videos on the internet
Things I don't do, but should do:
What do you do when things get rough; when your mind won't give you a moments peace?
Happy Mail to:
27 Wellington Row
Saint John, NB
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Grace and Kate's mom. (Shanell)