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I talk about Autism, a lot

The Unexpected Christmas Concert Solo

12/18/2013

10 Comments

 
Picture
Oh, that concert.  That Christmas concert.  It has filled me with delight and dread and guilt and I haven't even attended it yet.  Is this how all you parents of exceptional children have been feeling all along?  Sick with worry that your child will stand out more than every other day?  Have you felt sad that they might find discomfort and even pain in what is supposed to be a celebration of the season?  How cruel a paradox is this concert?  I know that some neurotypical children will pick their nose and cry instead of sing like angels. When our children act strangely they will draw attention, yes; but that attention is not what makes this concert hurt.  The attention will be kind and positive for the most part.  The audience will fall all over themselves to support this inclusive little gang because people, for the most part, are pretty cool.  The problem is the feeling you get inside when you prepare your child for an event and you realize that you have lowered your expectations in fear and the guilt that comes along with that can be paralyzing.  Seem dramatic?  That's because it is.  Do I love celebrating every milestone Kate reaches?  Of course!  Do I immediately compare/wonder/imagine other scenarios?  Yes.  Shamefully, I do.  You don't?  Tell me your secret.  I don't want your kids.  I don't want your version of family.  I want mine.  I just wish I could manage these thoughts. 

So, tonight I will take Kate to the concert that Alex had to convince me was a good idea.  Oh, how difficult it is to practice what you preach. I know the whole room will support whatever way she is able to participate in this event.  It is not their expectations that I am worried about.  It is my own.  I won't post this until I have an update for you.  My precious Kate will steal the show, this I know.  I hope I can get out of my way long enough to enjoy it for what it is.  Her special night.

*Update

She rocked it.  She owned it.  My heart burst with pride and not once did I let those thoughts of what might have been cloud my brain.  Kate is teaching me so much.  I won't write another word because this video speaks for itself:



10 Comments
Tiffany
12/17/2013 09:47:07 pm

I'm so proud of you Kate!!! You did great!!!!! Love you! xo

Reply
Amanda
12/17/2013 10:09:45 pm

That makes my heart happy!!!

Reply
Grama
12/17/2013 10:44:48 pm

You made my Christmas Lady Kate :)

Reply
Lucy LeBlanc
12/18/2013 01:12:11 am

I have watched this video several times and shared it with my husband and each time I watch with a big smile on my face and a tear in my eye. Seeing Kate so excited and expressing her joy fills me with so many emotions. Give Alex an extra big hug for "talking you down." Kate is a rocking reindeer and has filled me with the spirit of the season. Love to you all.

Reply
Sue Craig link
12/18/2013 07:00:44 am

Kate IS a star and will always be a star! How proud you and Alex must be over her absolute joy! Adorable!! Perfect!

Reply
Alex Mouland
12/18/2013 09:05:25 pm

From now on I'm starting my workday with this video. No matter how tired I am, this always makes me smile. I can't wait to play it at Kate's wedding :)

Reply
Picturerazzi
1/13/2014 03:27:04 am

Joy. :)

Reply
Stephanie
1/14/2014 03:11:23 pm

I came here from fb for the "Daddy" post and have been reading since. I kept it together until this one. I totally felt what you were feeling when you wrote the post even though my kids are typical. When I saw the video I lost it. I know you were so proud and she looks completely, utterly happy.

Reply
Max
1/15/2014 03:01:59 am

My eyes are watering up, and it's not allergy season!
Very strange....?

Reply
deb casey
12/15/2014 09:01:13 pm

Cutest reindeer ever. I can hardly wait for this year's video. I know she'll rock it. Is Oakley the K9 unit?

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