There are days when the worry is crushing. Today, for example, as I lay here recovering, from the kind of flu where your blood hurts, I am feeling especially afraid. Today, I am feeling exceptionally lost. Today, I know tomorrow has to be better.
Will she be okay? My guts hurt when I think of someone taking advantage of her. As I've said, she has a pathological trust of everyone. I've been reading about the elevated risk of abuse for children on the spectrum and it kills me.
Will she make friends; real friends? Will they be hers and hers alone and not the kids that come to see her sister. Will she know the names of the kids are school?
What is she thinking? Why don't her words make sense? Why can't she tell me how it feels? Does she understand any of this? Does she understand it all?
Will she live with us forever? Will she drive? Will she go out alone? Will I ever want to let her leave? Will I ever want to let her go?
What if she needs care when we are gone? Who will care for her? Will her sister shoulder that responsibility?
Are we doing enough to help her? What else could we do? Should I have quit my job? Should I be with her every day?
Will her sister grow resentful? Will she wake up some day and realize that she has been given a raw deal. Will she hold us responsible?
My husband and I have a song. It seems strange because we tend to live more on the pragmatic side of life, and we have little time for romance, but for reasons you'll understand, this song speaks to us. Do you have a song?
Happy Mail to:
27 Wellington Row
Saint John, NB
Grace and Kate's mom. (Shanell)