In her complex, intricate, delicious and amazing mind, She truly believes, I'm making her bite me. Really, she feels so utterly betrayed at times that she lashes out and feels justified in her actions. She was watching a show about dinosaurs. How dare I turn it off and request she go to bed. She was playing Ninja Turtles. How dare I suggest a bath. She's not bad. She's not spoiled or coddled. She's legitimately destroyed by the idea that I would take her from something she enjoys to make her do something she dislikes. She lashes out, at me mostly. She bites and hits and kicks. I cry and she feels vindicated by her actions. I used to watch her reaction to my tears in a futile hope that it might make her realize that she hurt me. I don't do that anymore. She is adamant in her feelings. She feels betrayed, hurt, and lied to. It isn't about me. It was never about me. She thinks differently than you or I. It is so difficult for so many of us to understand. It appears selfish and angry but I can promise you it is merely a combination of confused and afraid. The two most terrifying emotions of all. A lot of the time she is confused and afraid. Could you live like that? Would you want to? We owe it to her to make it easier and even as you watch in the grocery store parking lot and think to yourself "If she were mine I would take her home and teach her a lesson", we continue offering her support and love beyond what you might expect because she is fighting a battle we know nothing of. She is a total fucking rockstar and you better recognize.
1 Comment
Heather Chamberlain
9/7/2015 06:18:33 am
I often think how hard it must be to try to understand "our world" and "our ways" when your brain sees things so differently. My son Matthew is 19 and Autistic. It defines everything he does and how he reacts. When he asks the same question over and over I try to remember how awful it must be to worry and agonize over this. Even if I say yes we will do this it isn't enough. He needs to hear yes again and again. No one should judge these specials kids. I wish everyone could spend a day in their heads!! Imagine trying to constantly fit into a world that makes no sense to you......
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