Step Two: Tell everyone without children that life is way harder and way better with children; simultaneously.
Step Three: Take said children with you everywhere, especially fancy restaurants where children would never be expected. Bonus points if children have autism, ADHD or are having a particularly bad day.
Step Four: Say no to every social invitation that doesn't include yoga pants and wine.
Step Five: Gain weight
Step Six: Allow your children to be soothed by screen time. Encourage them to love Netflix the way you do. Bond over said love.
Step Seven: Remind children that the children in China cannot wake up in the morning until they go to sleep at night.
Step Eight: Rejoice in your genius bedtime move with wine and Netflix.
Step Nine: Complain about the costs of school supplies, snowsuits, therapy fees, groceries, gas; and then spend six dollars on a pumpkin spiced latte every morning while you drive to work in your giant SUV.
Step Ten: Admit your parenting sins publically. Sit back and wait.