The story of Monty goes like this: Our cat "Nuna" passed away at age 16 a few years ago. It was hard. She was a great friend. We went a year with no pets. I didn't want to replace Nuna right away but I also don't like living in a house without a pet. It feels wrong. It feels weird. A house does not seem right to me without an animal friend. Alex and I decided to go the SPCA and look at kittens. Alex was admittedly not a cat person, so I was excited at his change of heart and we made plans to meet at the SPCA after work one day. We had also read that pets were wonderful for drawing language out of children with autism. We entered the SPCA and asked about kittens. We did not bring the girls because we were undecided about whether we would bring a kitten home. We were taken to a room full of fluffy, adorable fur balls. Each one cuter than the next. Alex, always the voice of reason, suggested we look at an older cat. The engineer in him could not help but point out these kittens might be all style and no substance. As they piled on top of one another to reach us I let Alex tear me away to the room with the older cats. We were taken to a smaller room where three 'teenaged' cats sat. The first, was a pure white, long haired beauty. This cat lazed on her bed and regarded us as furniture. She was beautiful and I immediately wanted her. The next was a sleek black cat. He eyed us warily as we were disturbing his slumber. I was deciding between these two beauties when I noticed Alex playing with a little tabby by the door. I immediately dismissed the plain looking tabby and brought over the fluffy, white 'worthy of a Cottonelle commercial' kitty. Alex was not having it: "That cat doesn't even care that we are here, Shanell. Look at this little guy (referring to the tabby playfully winding around his ankles). He is so social. He can't get enough of us." I pleaded for the pretty kitty awhile longer but I was beginning to see that the little tabby already 'had' Alex. Alex, the 'dog person'. Alex, the 'cats are not even friendly' person. That tabby had claimed Alex and I knew it so I set down the pretty white cat and who didn't seem to notice our presence and walked by the sleek black cat, who gave me a swat on the way by, and headed over to our new cat; the tabby that was perched on Alex's shoulder waiting to go home. We quickly went through the adoption process and took our cat home, excited to see the girl's faces when we came through the door. We were not disappointed. 'Monty Snowday Mouland' was named by Grace that evening and he settled in nicely. I have written about Monty here and here and those that know our family know that this little cat was amazing therapy for both of our daughters. He motivated Kate to use language and he allowed her to squish and squeeze him without protest. Our girls carried him around like a baby doll and I swear he loved it. He never purred louder than when he was in their arms. We tease that Monty was our autism therapy cat, but that is really no joke. He was therapy for our whole family. Helping Kate with socializing and language. Teaching Grace responsibility and giving her a friend. Turning Alex into a Cat person and completing our home as pets do. Yesterday, after a wonderful day attending a GoTeamKate event that went off without a hitch, we were sitting on our back deck with friends when we noticed Kate was cuddling Monty in the grass. We hadn't seen Monty in over a day but this wasn't odd for him. He loved being outdoors. When we looked closer we could see that Monty was hurt. He could not walk well and he didn't look right. We called the emergency vet and rushed him in. The doctor told us that Monty's pelvis was fractured in multiple places and he had nerve damage among other injuries. She suspected he had been hit by a car. He would not recover. You know what happened next. Our little tabby wasn't come home with us and we were devastated. How would we tell Grace? The unsaid part was that Kate would not understand but she would notice he was gone, in her own way. We talked after the girls were in bed about how awesome Monty was. We figured he was probably saving a busload of autistic children from danger when we was hit by that car. Or he was saving a baby robin from the claws of an eagle when he got hurt. We know it was something heroic like that. Monty was an amazing cat and we want you all to know it. We will miss you Monty.
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Kate could have written much of this letter herself. mom-ology.ca/wordpress/autism-at-christmas-please-be-understanding Dear Kate, We wrote a letter to your sister a while ago with every intention of writing a letter to you as well. We have been struggling to write it for many reasons. We did not want it to be a list of things we are sorry for but, instead, a list of things we love about you. Inevitably, though, we have to apologize for some things before we can continue. We are sorry that your treatment has been delayed due to decisions and policies and oversights beyond our control. We are so sorry that there is only one therapy approved in New Brunswick. We are so sorry that the only current option for therapy is one we do not feel is best suited for you. Your dad and I are trying to incorporate other available therapies and treatments but the expense and availability of these things can be overwhelming. You have been waiting over six months to begin your treatment. We are afraid that we have missed a very crucial time for your development. We are terrified we will make a wrong move or a bad decision. We are so grateful for your speech pathologist and your OT and Amanda for helping us get started. We are so grateful for the members of Team Kate who share advice and information and kind words with us. We promise we will not give up. We will be vigilante in fighting to get you access to the most contemporary treatments and everything you need and deserve to reach your full potential. Your father will go toe to toe with anyone to protect you. He has a very refined and educated, "you'll do what I ask and then you'll thank me for it" style of talking to people who hold the power to make key changes to autism treatment programs here in New Brunswick. My style is more like a, "there is nothing fiercer than the mother of a special needs child" kind of thing. We may be new in the 'game' but we are educated, motivated and ready to take on the world. Enough of that now. This letter is meant to tell you how much you mean to us. We want you to know you are the sweetest, most sincere, little girl. You are so easy to love. We have noticed that people are drawn to you. They quickly adore you after only one meeting. We are so glad that we are the lucky ones that get to have you. We love that each night when we put you to bed you call out, "Mama, you ok?", five times before you fall asleep. We love listening to you talk happily to your toys when you wake up in the morning. We love watching you play with your sister and your new kitten, Monty. We love your hugs and kisses. They are so genuine. We love your little behaviours that make you stand out; the 'stims' that people used to diagnose you. These are things that the 'therapy' will try and train out of you. We know you do them for good reason. We know you find comfort in them and we will not let anyone take them away from you until you are ready. We love your bright eyes and excitement whenever we walk into the room. It is a feeling we hope every parent and child feels when they see each other. We love your sparkly blue eyes and blonde curls. We love that it is near impossible to take your picture because you are so busy at playing all the time. We love that you are never mean or insincere. You are so loving and authentic, in a way that I think only a child with ASD can be. We know you will do amazing things. We know you will astound us. We are so proud of you. You are so special. You are so loved. Love Mommy and Daddy xxoo. Meet Monty, our new rescue kitty. He's neurotypical as far as we can tell but we love him anyway. Visit the SPCA if you can. There are lots of cool animals there looking for forever homes. You won't regret it. |
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GoTeamKate 27 Wellington Row Saint John, NB E2L 4S1 I've been a tad overwhelmed with teaching Kindergarten during a pandemic (masks and all) butttttttt, I have not forgotten my sweet patr
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April 2022
AuthorGrace and Kate's mom. (Shanell) |